Faith is the head chemist of the mind. When faith is blended with the vibration of thought, the subconscious mind instantly picks up the vibration, translates it into its spiritual equivalent, and transmits it to Infinite Intelligence, as in the case of prayer.
Human beings crave intimacy, need to love and be loved. Yet people have much trouble doing so.
It’s clear from the many letters I get that lots of folks have no idea what a healthy relationship even looks like. Because I care about these things, and care about the environments children grow in, I’m using this space as an attempt to remedy the problem—again.
From many sources and many experts, I have culled some basic rules of relationships. This is by no means an exhaustive list. But it’s a start. Print them out and pin them up on your refrigerator door. I won’t test you on them—but life will.
Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.
Know your partner’s beliefs about relationships. Different people have different and often conflicting beliefs about relationships. You don’t want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they’ll create it where it doesn’t exist.
Don’t confuse sex with love. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love.
Know your needs and speak up for them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader.
Respect, respect, respect. Inside and outside the relationship, act in ways so that your partner always maintains respect for you. Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship.
View yourselves as a team, which means you are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths. That is the value of a team—your differences.
Know how to manage differences; it’s the key to success in a relationship. Disagreements don’t sink relationships. Name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable byproduct of the differences between two people. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them.
If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk and explore, don’t assume.
Solve problems as they arise. Don’t let resentments simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies.
Learn to negotiate. Modern relationships no longer rely on roles cast by the culture. Couples create their own roles, so that virtually every act requires negotiation. It works best when good will prevails. Because people’s needs are fluid and change over time, and life’s demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.
Listen, truly listen, to your partner’s concerns and complaints without judgment. Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need for solving problems. Plus it opens the door to confiding. And empathy is crucial. Look at things from your partner’s perspective as well as your own.
Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn’t an end goal; it’s a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.
Take a long-range view. A marriage is an agreement to spend a future together. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you’re both on the same path. Update your dreams regularly.
Never underestimate the power of good grooming.
Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.
Apologize, apologize, apologize. Anyone can make a mistake. Repair attempts are crucial—highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy marriage.
Some dependency is good, but complete dependency on a partner for all one’s needs is an invitation to unhappiness for both partners. We’re all dependent to a degree—on friends, mentors, spouses. This is true of men as well as women.
Maintain self-respect and self-esteem. It’s easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have. Meaningful work—paid or volunteer—has long been one of the most important ways to exercise and fortify a sense of self.
Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship. The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.
Cooperate, cooperate, cooperate. Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets, with much give and take.
Stay open to spontaneity.
Maintain your energy. Stay healthy.
Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs and do not ride at a continuous high all the time. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship stronger.
Make good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself. Don’t just run away from a bad relationship; you’ll only repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what in you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.
Understand that love is not an absolute, not a limited commodity that you’re in of or out of. It’s a feeling that ebbs and flows depending on how you treat each other. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.
NEW YORK (AP) — Police have removed an emotionally disturbed passenger who stripped naked on a flight between Chicago and New York.
The incident happened Saturday night as Delta Flight 6562 began its descent into Kennedy Airport.
A Newsday news manager who was on the flight said flight attendants tried to cover the woman with a blanket while she yelled “No! No! No!”
The Newsday manager, David Holland, said that when the plane landed, other passengers got off before police removed the woman.
Hackers pirate PBS website, post fake story about Tupac still alive!
(CNN) — Online hackers have pirated the PBS website and posted a false story claiming the rapper Tupac Shakur — who has been dead for almost 15 years — is alive and living in New Zealand. I knew right then it was a lie. lol. Read more …
It is impossible to feel good and at the same time be having negative thoughts.
If you are feeling good, it is because you are thinking good thoughts. You see,
you can have whatever you want in your life, no limits. But there's one catch:
You have to feel good. And when you think about it, isn't that all you ever
want? The law is indeed perfect.
So, we had our own conversation about education at the Mamas Gone Wild Live Blog Party Sunday night as we watched Soledad O’Brien’s CNN special “Education in America: Don’t Fail Me.”
Even though Soledad didn’t really explore many of the issues black parents deal with - violence in schools, vouchers, low test scores, etc. - the discussion on the live blog covered those topics and much more.
Here’s the ultimate demonstration of how a woman’s use of her powers can build a man. Indulge me as I share this story:
One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president’s secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.
The 1st Lady and The President
Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, why was he so interested in talking to you. She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her.
President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant”, to which Michelle responded, “no, if I had married him, he would now be the President”.
Truth: I have no way of knowing if this is true but it’s demonstrative of a woman who knows her power and how to use it. For too many women, you exercise your wiles and keep getting better at it for your own gain – which is temporary – when you’re capability of not just healing a man and increasing his desire to be a better man (along with his desire to be better to and for you), but propelling him which propels you.
That’s the power of a woman…if only each one knew it.
Gon’ 1st Lady…LOVE HER! Hell, I am her…are you? Where’s your “Exhibit A”?
Proof is in the puddin’, Babaay (in my NOLA voice).
It’s the first big holiday weekend of the year, so get your beach blankets and barbecue grills together because it’s on! If you’re planning to have an event this weekend, just be responsible and safe. If you’re planning to just relax and enjoy the days off, there are two big new films in the multiplex, and you sports fans will will be looking forward to the NBA Finals, set to begin next week. Read more!
The fact that spring is the most popular season for weddings may be a cruel trick because a lot of newlyweds are going to be forced to make some big decisions their first three-day weekend as a married couple. Last year, their biggest decision was probably which big holiday weekend movie they would see, and trust me, they will soon be yearning for those simple times.